You have a dream, a goal, a mission. There is something out there just waiting for you to grab it, wrap it around your shoulders, and make it yours. Sometimes it feels like it’s literally just in front of you, waiting to change your life forever. You know you want it, you see it, and you reach out to grab it. But you don’t. You just stand there, not doing that one last thing you need to make it yours for ever. Your dream, your goal, your mission. So, what’s stopping you?
As a lawyer, I’ve seen this happen more times than I care to count. Women come to me in pain, desperate for a solution. Sometimes they have a dream that they are determined to bring into fruition. When they are right on the brink of a breakthrough, they back down and continue to live lives that they described to me as “miserable” and “unfair.”
All these women were stopped by the exactly same thing.
Before I tell you more about that, let me share 3 bits of wisdom I have picked up over the years.
1. There is always a choice.
Even if it seems like you are completely stuck, you always have a choice to make. For example, let’s say you are looking for a new job. When you have two offers in front of you, it is easy to see that you have to choose between the two. But, what if you only have one offer, and it is a job you really don’t want to take? You may feel like you are stuck with that job, but you are not, because you do have the choice to turn it down and not work or to keep looking for other opportunities. Maybe you have been going on countless interviews and have no offers at all. You have a choice there, too – you can keep going, you can change your strategy, you can look for other means of financial support, etc. What choices you have will largely depend on your goal, but you always have a choice, even if one of them is so undesirable it seems like it’s not a real option.
2. The choice is yours to make.
I want you to really process this one: the choice is yours to make.
It is not your mom’s, your partner’s, or your best friend’s. It is not dependent on the choices of someone else or the outcome of some circumstance. Unless you choose to base a decision on those things, none of them are relevant. When you are presented with a choice, that choice is 100% yours to make.
Along with choices comes potential sacrifice. When you grow, you are giving up the comfort zone you have grown accustomed to. Choices are hard when they involve losing one thing to gain another. This can make it seem like choices are out of your hands. For example, if one of your job offers is across the country away from your family and friends, it may seem like it is not an option. But it is, even if you dismiss it quickly. Again, that is your choice.
3. There are no wrong answers.
You cannot look at choices and always label which one is right and which one is wrong. If you get stuck in this game, you are going to drive yourself absolutely crazy. So, look at it this way: the world is full of choices and consequences. We tend to assume that positive consequences are good and negative consequences are bad. But what about neutral consequences? What about unintended consequences?
Instead of looking for black and white, look around for your choices and focus on your innate sense of free will. You can do absolutely anything you want. You also need to take responsibility for the consequences that arise from your choice. If you are willing to bear the consequences, then no one’s opinion matters but yours. This means there are no wrong answers or innately bad choices. It’s all about you, your goals, your values, and which way you choose to go.
When a woman comes into my office feeling stuck, one of the first things we do is to evaluate her options to reach her goals. Sometimes the choices are simple, sometimes they are very long and uncertain. They all come with their own set of consequences. But there has yet to be a time I have talk with a woman and tell her that what she wants is impossible. In fact, most people are surprised to find that there is a clear path to get them exactly where they want to go.
So, what stops them?
Fear, money, public perception, opinions of others…the list goes on. Sometimes they blame other people or circumstances for holding them back. Often they say they are going to go for it, just not at that moment. That’s the choice they make. All of these boil down to the same thing standing in your way: You.
Want to talk with a lawyer friend about how to choose yourself above all else? Click here to schedule a no-cost call directly with me.